Monthly Archives: June 2009

BEFORE SUNRISE

Saw this unusual movie recently. Unusual, because, it revolves around only two characters for the whole movie. The pair constantly keeps on conversing throughout and there’s no end to it. Some may find it boring and drab. But it takes sincere gut and conviction to make such a kind of movie, where the whole perspectives about life and love, by 2 totally different individuals, are woven so neatly, crisply n subtly that you don’t mind wanting to fall in love with a complete stranger (that’s why I support arranged marriages maybe. 😛 ). Opposites attract, they say! I mean the very idea of getting to know and spending time together for around 24 hrs in a completely strange city with a complete stranger, you’d met on a train journey seems very enticing. (No doubts so, Titanic, Jab We Met, Mr. And Mrs. Iyer and etc. are my favourite movies) I won’t talk about the rest of the movie much. If you find this much description interesting enough, go and watch it. Just a word of caution: If you don’t have enough patience to hold on to 100 minutes of complete sensible chatters, this one’s not for you.
After I finished watching the movie, I was just wondering if isn’t life in a longer run somehow about that? About some kinda thrill, some excitement, something unusual, something thrilling n interesting around the corner. I can not really imagine my life devoid of this thrill, of the excitement of meeting new people. There’s this unanswerable, unfathomable, acute sense of oneness or belongingness you feel within, when you land up with a person, who’s entirely new to the surroundings as much as you are, more or less. I remember my Trekking camp in Mahabaleshwar, when I was in school and how I met one of my soulmates in a guy called Ajinkya Kurdukar there. Or an NTSE camp at Aurangabad. I met Madhur, my beshteshht buddy there. Or recently concluded Object Boot Camp and Art Of Living – YES!+ DSN course. I met some amazing amazing people there. These memories and many more, are the ones that will be cherished for the lifetime. And it is memories like these, which give you a feeling, that life is truly beautiful. And it’s not only about these particular camps or courses. I can write to no end about people I met in my college life, both at Fergusson and at PICT. There’s just so much to learn from people around, in general. That gives one a very humbling feeling (and actually a feeling of uniqueness too. :P) and that you start believing the World is not selfish after all and Love abides us all.
I sometimes (always, actually) feel very grateful to each n every person I met on this planet, for they had in them something or other to make me learn. I just sometimes want to complain about prospect of getting away from the people, you start growing your affection towards. Why, O Lord, every damn thing is associated with pain of parting? When recently my dear senior friends finished their graduation and that meant no more college for them, I could not help digest it. Or at ThoughtWorks! While working together with people from TSEC, Mumbai & Shravanesh from Ghaziabad, we had so much fun that when it came time to say Good-Byes, we all really wished if we could have more of it. Times and memories like these, still linger around and it is precious memories like these, that one keeps on striving for. Maybe that’s the whole fun of life. Parting is pain! It sucks. But, it is that unknown chase, that wanting for something fulfilling, that desire to make each moment, each memory precious, to make the time you spend with people, the best time you could ever have spent, that keeps you moving on. And so, I would call it off with one of my favourite dialogues from Titanic (This was when Jack was invited over to the royal dinner at the party)…. “Life is… To make it count”
Cheers!
Spread cheer, spread love!
Keep Smiling! 🙂
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Love marriage-2

Note: Before reading this post, please read previous post.

It’s me this time… As I’d mentioned earlier, I had to come up with this post…

There’s sort of some history behind this post. Lately, I’ve seen 2 inter-cast weddings(love-cum-arranged) in my family. Since, we are living in a so-called modern world, it’s obvious to question, how does that matter? And that I need to grow up! And it all sounds so regressive from the very first sentence of the paragraph. Well, it somehow matters in a typical orthodox big fat Marwari family, where marrying a guy or a girl of own choice has been a taboo. Obviously, when it comes to arranged marriage, choice is given to the eligible bachelor who’s about to marry. But, love marriage…!!! Noooo…

Alright, so now, as it has taken place in my family, I’m very happy for two of my cousins that they got to marry a girl of their own respective choice.
What has left me wondering is somewhere related to the girls(my Bhabhis now) with whom they’ve married. I mean, it’s okay for guys, for nothing’s changed for them even after marriage, except that they now have to shoulder responsibility of a new member in the family. But for the girls, who’ve left their culture, religion, family, lifestyle and values behind, it seems really difficult. I salute to the woman power that it makes women compromise, with so much patience and ease and understanding, everything with which they’ve lived for 20-25 odd years. And the compromise is somehow expected outta them, after they come to a new place and new family. And if they do not match up to those expectations even a few percents closer, they’re all blamed and accused and not the guys. I personally find it ridiculous. And that’s why I somewhere agree to the previous post below, that many of us want to do love marriage only b’coz it’s “Jawaani ka josh” and in “fashion”. But as it is observed, most of them do not give it a complete thought, before taking a decision, which has its impact over the whole lifetime. And failed or wrong decisions obviously lead to frustration, compromises, fights and eventually failed marriages.

By this, I do not ‘at all’ intend to oppose the concept of love marriage. It’s in fact very beautiful to marry a guy/girl you love and spend the rest of the lifetime happily with him/her. Somewhere, little compromises, sacrifices, fights are expected. Big deal about it. That’s part and parcel of any marriage. What is to be looked after is, if, before marrying, a complete thought is given to the things and circumstances which may affect the marriage later? Be it any kind of marriage love marrriage(which takes place after 50-60 odd meetings) or arranged marriage(which takes place after 5-6 meetings). Personally, I can’t ask my girl to make any sort of compromises after marriage, except she does it at her own will. Then too, i won’t be very happy if she’d have to make compromises just because she’d have to. And if, not making those compromises, is gonna create troubles for everyone then, I’m not going to indulge in that kind of marriage at all, be it love or arranged or love-cum-arranged. The risk of post-marriage is somehow understood and anticipated in arranged marriages at least. It is far less seen in love marriages. Not that, love marriages are totally immature on this front. I’m just speaking probabilitywise.

PS: I’m just 20. And this post, is somehow not expected outta me right now. There are better issues to discuss. It so happened that, I’d gone to Chokhi-Dhani with my friends and then went to a Jyotish there. After asking him about my love life(It was just for fun), he refused a possibility of my love-marriage left, right n center. Not that I’m going to trust him afterall. But ironically, considering my love and respect for my traditional family, I’ve always been considering an arranged marriage for me.

PPS: My 2 cousins are very happy and so are their respective spouses. I salute to my Bhabhis for they’ve really given up everything of their own and have accomodated themselves to a totally new lifestyle.

Love Marriage

लोक म्हणतात, हल्ली लव्ह मॅरेजेस जास्त होतात. आपल्याला ते पटतं. लोक म्हणतात, अलीकडे लग्नं जास्त मोडतात.उघडय़ा डोळ्यांनी, समकालीन वास्तव बघणाऱ्या कोणालाही हे पटण्यासारखं असतं. पण ‘‘एवढं लव्ह मॅरेज असूनसुद्धा..’’ लग्नमोडलं म्हणून लोक आश्चर्य व्यक्त करतात, ते मात्र आपल्याला निदानपक्षी मला पटत नाही.
लव्ह मॅरेज किंवा प्रेमलग्न जास्त टिकणार टिकायला हवं हे आपण कोणत्या विश्वासावर मानतो? तर त्या वधूवरांनी स्वत:च्यापसंतीने लग्न केलंय, म्हणजे त्यांनी एकमेकांना पुरतं ओळखलं असणारच या विश्वासावर. जास्त काळ एकत्र घालवला म्हणजेमाणसं एकमेकांना जास्त नीट पारखतील हा विश्वासच मुळात तपासून घेण्याजोगा आहे. ती संधी मिळेल हे खरं, पण ती वापरलीजाईलच अशी हमी कोणकधी देऊ शकेल? तितकी प्रगल्भता किती लोकांमध्ये असते? याइतकी महत्त्वाची गोष्ट म्हणजे

इतक्या गंभीरपणे लग्न ठरवण्याकडे किती लोकांनी बघितलेलं असतं?
तर तसं तितकंसं बघितलेलं नसतं असं मानण्याला जागा दिसते. अलीकडे पुष्कळवेळा शिक्षणनोकरी व्यवसाय अशा कारणांनी तरुणतरुणी एकमेकांसमोरयेतात. रोज किंवा वरचेवर बघून बघून एकमेकांनाबरेवाटायला लागतात. एकमेकांची पदवीपगार असे निश्चित मोजतायेण्याजोगे निकष ते तपासून घेतात. कारण त्यात फसवाफसवी करणं सहज शक्य नसतं. (काही महाभाग त्याही बाबतीतसफाईने फसवू शकतात. याला इतिहास आणि वर्तमान साक्ष आहे!) बरोबर जास्त वावरणं झालं की एकमेकांच्या आवडीनिवडीसवयीलकबी जास्त कळायला लागतात. यौवनाच्या भरात एकमेकांना खूश करण्यासाठी या माहितीचा हुशारीने वापर केलाजातो आणि एक दिवस दोघांपैकी एक जणम्हणजे बहुधा जोडीपैकी पुरुषदुसऱ्याला तो लाख मोलाचा प्रश्न विचारतात, ‘‘माझ्याशी लग्न करशील?’’ हा प्रश्न विचारण्याच्या अगोदर संभाव्य जोडीदाराचं घरदार बघणं, जवळच्या नातेवाईकांना भेटणं,त्यांची दैनंदिन जगण्याची पद्धती बघणं, त्यांचा मूल्यविवेक बघणं, त्यांचा भूतकाळ आणि आपल्या स्वत:च्या भविष्याविषयीच्याकल्पना यांचा मेळ लागतो की नाही हे तपासणं अनेकांना जमत नाही. किंवा गरजेचं वाटत नाही. एकूण प्रेमलग्नसंसार याकल्पनांचं आत्यंतिक गारुड त्या टप्प्यांवर मनावर असतं आणि ‘‘आम्हीही हे करू शकतो’’ हे दाखवण्याची हौस अनावर होते.
नव्याच्या नऊ दिवसातच या हौसेवर पाऊस पडायला लागतो. मुलींच्या बाजूने अगोदरच लागतो कारण त्यांना स्वत:चं घरदारमाणसंपरिसर हे सोडून अचानक एका नव्या वेगळ्या परिस्थितीला सामोरं जायचं असतं. संपूर्ण शाकाहारी मुलीनं मांसाहारकरणाऱ्या घरात जाणं, खेडवळ मुलीनं महानगरी, पॉश घरामध्ये जाणं इतके टोकाचे फरक तर दूरच पण साधं शिक्षणाचंमाध्यम, विशिष्ट देवाचीबुवाची भक्ती, कुटुंबाच्या माणसांची संख्या, त्यांच्यातल्या नातेसंबंधांचे तिढे यांच्यामधूनही जोडप्याच्यानात्यात ताण यायला लागतात. तीव्र शारीरिक आकर्षणाचा सुरुवातीचा काळ संपला की ताणांची तीव्रता जाणवते आणि ज्यालग्नसंबंधामुळे याकटकटीवाटय़ाला आल्या ते लग्नच नको इथवर काहींची मजल जाते. आसपास कुजबुजीला विषय मिळतो, ‘‘एवढं लव्हमॅरेज असूनसुद्धा..’’
खरं तर लव्ह मॅरेजमध्येएवढं तेवढंकाही नाही! त्याच्या आदर्श स्वरूपात असेल, पण नित्य व्यवहारात नाही. घरच्यांच्यासांगण्यावरून भावी वधूवर लग्नापूर्वी पाचसात वेळा भेटूनॅरेंज्ड मॅरेजकरतात. तर स्वेच्छेने लग्नापूर्वी पन्नाससाठ वेळाभेटलेले तरुण वधूवरलव्ह मॅरेजकरतात एवढाच तपशिलात फरक. शिवाय वेगळ्या अर्थाने लव्ह मॅरेजवाले निराधारहीअसतात.
वास्तविक स्वत:चं लग्न स्वत: जमवणं, अपरिपक्व वयामध्ये आयुष्यभराचा वायदा एखाद्या व्यक्तीशी स्वत:च्या हिमतीवरकरणं ही एक अवघड जोखीम आहे. आईबाप किंवा घरचे मोठे लोक मुलांची लग्नं जमवायचे तेव्हा पुढे त्या लग्नात काहीहीखटकलं, फिसकटलं तर त्याचं खापर फोडायला मुलांना एक हक्काची जागा मिळायची. ‘त्यांनी असं कसं लग्न जमवलं? ‘त्यांनीकशी घाई केली, ‘त्यांची दूरदृष्टी कशी कमी पडली हे रंगवून (निदान स्वत:ला तरी) सांगता यायचं. लव्ह मॅरेजवाल्यांना ही सूटहीउरत नाही. आपल्या अपयशाला टांगायला आईबाप ही एकलाडकी खुंटीप्रत्येक उभरत्या पिढीला असते. तीही या पठ्ठय़ांनीगमावलेली असते. चांगलं झालं तर कोणी फारसं कौतुक करणार नाही, पण वाईट झालं तर क्षणोक्षणी उद्धार व्हायचा थांबणारनाही. ‘‘एवढं लव्ह मॅरेज असूनसुद्धा..’’
जवळजवळ दोन र्वष हिंडून फिरून प्रेमलग्नात शिरलेलं माझ्या परिचयातलं एक तरुण जोडपं लग्नानंतर वर्षभरात वेगळं झालं.


PS: This is not written by me. Courtesy: An E-mail from a friend

PPS: I’m not saying I agree to this view completely. I partially do.

PPPS: Before commenting anything on this post, please read my next post.

PPPPS: This e-mail exactly comes when I’m all confused between love marriage and arranged marriage. Talk about artificial intelligence.

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