Was driving late to home another day. I was going home in my car after visiting my sister’s house. Must be 11.30pm. Past few days were not good for me. I was in general frustrated about things not going the right way.
At work, I had disappointed the team by some carelessness in my work. A wrong code had got pushed on production environment. And I had not verified that correctly.
I stay in Pune with 2 of my younger siblings (a younger sister and a younger first cousin brother). My entire family resides in Beed (a place at a 5-6 hour driving distance from Pune). Being the eldest at Pune house, I am expected to take care of certain things. Lately, I was asked by my father to take care of some important work. But I did not give it as much importance and procrastination happened. I had to face the music from my father eventually.
My siblings are teenagers. I don’t think they have matured enough. They keep fighting between each other for petty issues. I had been feeling tired of being a counselor to them.
My first cousin is still not responsible and matured enough as to take care of his own. And he’s only suffered because of that. His ignorance to his body, food habits, hygiene has started taking a toll on his health. I have been trying to take care of him like his parents would. But my efforts to get him out of his mess seemed futile.
At a personal level, my exercise routine, which I had built after a lot of perseverance and consistency, had started crashing. My out of shape physique has been a botheration any which way. At 23, if you’re not in the right shape and don’t have the right kind of fitness, then it is a BIG deal. A good exercise routine is a way to ensure a good level of fitness which lasts lifelong. It is basic health and hygiene, which should not be ignored at any expense. But ignorance had started creeping in.
I have not been able to visit my hometown for a good amount of time now. I have been so wanting to see my grandparents and other family members (It’s a joint family). My grandparents have not been able to visit Pune lately because of their health issues. It should be my job to take some time out to meet them. But household responsibilities in Pune have been holding me back. I had started feeling ashamed of myself for these stupid excuses to not visit my hometown and my dearest grandparents.
And then there were other things. I had failed at a proper spoken communication on several occasions. Some relationships had taken a hit. There was some insecurity about some other relationships and about the future life. At 23, life had started appearing clueless.
All these thoughts were rolling in my mind as I neared a flyover close to my house. Being an empty road, I was driving at more than my normal speed. The flyover is a little curved. There’s a sharp right turn right after ascending the flyover and right before descending it. I usually have to slow down on this curve. But I was on top of my speed and was in the rightmost lane. I had forgotten about the curve. And when the curve arrived, I suddenly applied the brakes and slowed myself down. Not that there was anyone in front, since it’s a one way flyover. But had I not applied brakes, there was a good chance of losing control and dashing the car against the right hand side railing of the bridge. Worst, because of my speed, I could have broken the railing and my car would have fallen off the bridge turning into a fatal incident for sure. I was horrorstruck. I quickly gained my control back.
And then I rolled back all my thoughts. The thought of a possible accident and the horror of the death shook me in and out. All the issues seemed small in front of the biggest offering called Life. I realized that troubles and difficulties are bound to happen in Life. Life’s not a fairy tale. Problems will be around at every stage of life. If there are issues that are bothering me and if they’re under my control, I should fix them. If there are things beyond my control, then no point bothering.
Life’s about living in the moment. It’s my job to make each moment count. Life’s also about the uncertainty of the future. There’s no set path. Paths are made by walking. I should keep walking, while doing an honest job of making my life and others’ lives better.
I must admit, this post has inspired me to write this blog post.